The list goes on, but I’ll spare you the trouble. When I heard these things my first reaction was fear. I felt paralyzed. What if I was really endangering myself by going to Laos? But then rationality kicked in and I told myself, it’s been over 30 years since my parents left Laos. Things have changed.
I remember when I first got to the Lao airport and was applying for the tourist visa, the officer asked me, “Koj puas paub lub Hmoob?” (Do you know Hmong?)
I froze, not answering his question. He repeated it again. I hesitantly replied, “Paub mas.” (Yes. I know.)
The officer kept looking at my visa and read my name out loud. “Maivxis Tsaab. No yog npe Hmoob. Koj los ua dab tsi?” (Mysee Chang. This is a Hmong name. Why did you come here?)
I started to panic. Why did he question me? Jess and Lizz had just gone through the visa line without being stopped and here I was still at the second window. “Los qhiab ntawm.” (To teach).
The officer nodded and then passed my visa to the next window. I was so scared! I remember thinking, are they going to let me into this country? What if he had noted in my file that I was Hmong? Are they going to send spies after me? I quieted my mind, took a deep breath and continued down the line. Luckily nothing happened but when I got out of the airport I thought about my mom’s parting words, “Remember you are Hmong. The Lao don’t like the Hmong. You cannot trust anyone.”
I remember within the first day that we arrived, the staff at the University asked me “Chao ben kuan Lao baw?” (Are you Lao?).
“Baw mien. Kanoy ben kuan Hmong theva pame kawd yu Lao.” (No. I am Hmong but my parents were born in Laos.)
“Ah! Ben kuan Lao leo!” (Oh. Then you are Lao!)
I guess the first lesson I learned in SVK was that I am regarded as Lao because my parents were born here. Earlier I was so worried about what I should identify as. Should I just say I am Chinese and construct white lies about my identity? Should I say I am American and just keep saying that?
The second day in SVK really helped me answer this question. My group and I were at a Lao coffee shop eating breakfast and the coffee shop owner asked me, “What are you? Are you Japenese?” To which I replied, “No. I am American, but my dad was born in Xam Nua and my mom was born in Xieng Khuang.”
He replied, “Oh. So you must know Hmong people, right? That is the north where there are many Hmong people. Do you know Hmong? Koj puab hais lub hmoob baw? Mus no mos. Mus kawm ntawm. (He actually spoke Hmong to me).”
I just stood there and nodded. I wanted to be as ambiguous as possible. I wanted it to seem like I knew what he was saying but also not at the same time. I didn’t want to come out and just say I was Hmong. After nodding and flashing a smile, I took a seat and ignored him.
The next day we went to the same coffee shop and the owner continued to converse with me. “Oh. Hmong people are so intelligent. They have master degrees and many become doctors here in Laos. They are so talented. Not like Lao people who just have high school degrees.”
I nodded and asked him how is it that he came to know Hmong people and Hmong language. The owner shared that he had Hmong friends who came down south to find work. Then I decided to go for it and told him I was in fact, Hmong. “Oh. So you are Hmong! That is great!” He had this big grin on his face and seemed very delighted by this truth.
And he wasn’t the last to ask. Everywhere I went in SVK, I was asked “Are you Japanese? What are you?” To which, I now always say: Ben kuan Amelikas theva pame kawd yu Lao. Kawd yu Amelika. Vow pasa angkit xue xue. Vow pasa Lao baw dai pun dai. (I am American but my parents are born in Laos. I was born in America so I don’t speak Lao very well.)
In Vientiane, I noticed how there were pictures of Hmong woman wearing Hmong clothes on national billboards. The 500 kip bill also has this. At temples, there are statues of Hmong women with Mien and Lao women as well. I won’t say that prejudice against the Hmong is gone, but I will say that I have not been treated ill since being here. Rather, I am surprised by how people acknowledge me as Lao here. At the University, I notice how some of the professors speak a lot of Lao to me and just expect that I know it. When I go to the market, I just feel this sense of sameness among me and the vendors. I don’t feel like a faalang (foreigner). I feel like the Lao and Hmong are the same people, and I have started saying “I am Lao but was born in America” now whenever I’m asked who I am. From what I have experienced here, it seems that the Lao government is pushing everyone to see Lao as a national identity and ethnic identity as the tribe one belongs to (there are 49 recognized tribes).
Like Hmong-American youth, the Hmong-Lao youth experience culture clash here. The Hmong who live in Vientiane complain about how their children can’t speak Hmong anymore. One of my good friends Xia, for example, prefers articulating herself in Lao because she feels more fluent in it. She comprehends Hmong pretty well but can’t articulate herself that well because she’s been surrounded by Lao people her whole life. Our Hmong friends tease her because of this sometimes.
The Hmong-Lao youth from the northern parts of Laos feel that there is a cultural rift between them and their Lao peers. Some of the young women I’ve spoken to have shared with me how they are taunted and teased by Lao students when they mispronounce Lao words at school.
“There is this divide between us. It just exists. When we sit in the classroom, the Lao students know we are not Lao and they don’t want to sit with us. There are some girls who are Hmong too, but they will pretend they are Lao. These girls don’t acknowledge us, and they prefer speaking Lao, hanging out with Lao people, and acting Lao.”
My nephew who attended college in Vientiane shared how he experienced discrimination in the education system: “There are teachers who will purposely give you bad grades, because they know you are Hmong. They look at your name, and they just know it’s a Hmong name. They will give good grades to Lao students. When there is a competition for scholarships, they will often give it to a Lao student even if I am more qualified for it. This happened to me. I did really well on a test and was competing against this Lao student. At the end, he still got the scholarship even though I did better. To be successful here in Laos, it’s all about connections. If you are Hmong, but you have family who are in the system, you can adopt their Lao-like last name and advance into a good job. If you don’t have connections then you will often be discriminated against because of your Hmong last name.”
This is my impression of Laos thus far from my two months here. To me it seems the hostility towards the Hmong have dissipated although there is still some implicit prejudice and discrimination going within the society. I recognize however, that my perspective is limited because of my position as a Hmong-American who did not grow up in Laos.